He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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