Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
