ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
