its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize