at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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