Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
