u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
