what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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