dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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