it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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