Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
