Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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