I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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