i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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