is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
