im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
