I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
