i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
