how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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