Whats the glycemic index on semen?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
FUCK WHALES
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