Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
