im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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