She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
