you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
