I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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