Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
