I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize