i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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