i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
