New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize