Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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