So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
