is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
