I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
