So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
