It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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