I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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