Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize