i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
