every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
