DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
