you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
