but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
