everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
