Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
