I puked a lego.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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