I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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