So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I use my feet as sexual weapons
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
