I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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