so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
