Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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