once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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