it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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