oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
