Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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