I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is wine microwaveable?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
