I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
