Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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