I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
