maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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