also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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