based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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