My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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