This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
