How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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