I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
