Whod you bang
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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