did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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