He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
