I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
